One man’s attempt to impose order over an inconsequential part of his life — “It’s quite simple,” I said to my wife and kids over dinner last week. “If you want to watch Amazon Prime, Starz, or AMC+, log into Amazon. To watch Disney+, Hulu, or ESPN+, go directly to those apps but use the Disney credentials. And use Roku if you want to…

Few people have what it takes “Don’t confuse desire with compulsion.” — Felix Dennis If you want to be rich, you have to be unreasonable. You have to do things outside the realm of practicality, safety, and politeness. Because to earn vast wealth, you must be compulsively driven toward that…

I blame the Chicken Vindaloo — In the pre-COVID world of my dreams, I stepped up to the counter and greeted the cruise director. “Good morning. I’m Paul Ollinger in C-112. I think there’s an issue with our itinerary.” “Yes, Mr. Ollinger, what seems to be the trouble?” replied the kind woman in a snappy uniform. …

How to Chase Your Dreams, Part 1 The t-shirt read “Dare to Suck.” I was sitting in my first day of Intro to Sit-com Acting at Lesly Kahn and Co., a well-known acting school in Los Angeles where my instructor had just handed me a pre-shrunk welcome gift. Considering the…

The Diminishing Analgesic Effects of Wealth — When I was 12 years old, my dad took me to the dentist to get my first cavity filled. “By the way,” he said as we walked into the office, “don’t get the novocaine — it’s $20.” My father was a very good man — the most decent, humble person…

The Patriarchy is Totally Slacking off — “Does that mean women are receiving lower pay for equal work? That is possibly the case in certain places, but by and large, it’s not that, it’s something else.” -Claudia Goldin, Harvard economist A disturbing thing happened last week at my local meeting of the National Patriarchy Society. As you…

Or maybe you don’t, but that’s not the point — In the climactic scene of the 1992 western, Unforgiven, William Munny (played by Clint Eastwood) holds a rifle to the chest of a supine and wounded Little Bill Daggett (Gene Hackman), the corrupt sheriff who had tortured and killed Munny’s friend and partner. Little Bill looks up from the floor…

Rich People Aren’t Ready for the Apocalypse — The most disturbing moment of the pandemic for me was the day I realized those doomsday survivalist folks might not be so crazy after all. Sometime in early May 2020, barely getting by in a world with air conditioning, wi-fi, and Uber Eats, it dawned on me: I probably wouldn’t…

If I look closely in the mirror, I can see a faint scar from a pimple that plagued my nose for most of October 1983. One morning, early in my freshman year, my reflection greeted me with a bulging, red honker sticking off the end of my beak, blinking at…